How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
