i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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