The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
