Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My dick has a subreddit
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
