Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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