We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize