Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
