I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
