The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
