I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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