How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
