she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
