Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
