My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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