Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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