kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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