I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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