you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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