You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
