At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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