note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
