who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
