I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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