im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
