3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
