o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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