Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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