The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
