All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
