I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
