my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
