Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
