Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
