when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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