Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
