She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
