Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
