Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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