I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
