I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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