So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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