Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
