yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He passed out mid-signature
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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