i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You need a sexual gate keeper
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
