So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
