I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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