u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
