You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My bed smells like the plague
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