I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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