Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
