I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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