foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drake has all the answers
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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