I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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