Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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