these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
