My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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