yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
