Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
