Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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