its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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