Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
